Introduction
Though life
is not possible without love in our lives, yet we find that love is missing
from our lives due to our egos, fears and insecurities. However, when one loves
unconditionally, the flowers of love will bloom in ours hearts forever and will
never lose its fragrance and will shine even in the darkest nights like stars.
It has been
observed by all of us; rather I would say that it is the story of most of us,
that whenever we have fallen in love or loved someone very deeply, the
relationship withers before it blooms and our hearts break.
In the beginning
of every relationship, life becomes exciting and loveable like a bed of roses
but with passage of time, the thorns of the same roses start pricking us. The
colors of the rainbow begin to fade out of the same relationship and the real
meaning of joy, happiness and bliss does not exist in reality. Sometimes
relationships turn so nasty that beautiful emotions get converted into the
poison of anger, hatred towards the same person. We suffer for months and years
to come out of the pain.
There are also
some very dry, faded relationships without any sweetness which we keep
maintaining with all possible compromises because with time they become our
needs and our security system and moreover they have the approval of our social
setup.
In either case,
the question remains why we are deprived of the fulfilling colors of love. We
find ourselves asking “Don’t I deserve love or does love not exist???”
We keep
promising ourselves never to get into the same mess again. There are some of us
who accept and pretend that there is no need for love in their lives. Yet there
are others who repeatedly keep searching for their true love over and over
again. The basic truth remains that we cannot live without love.
Love is the most
important element behind creation of life and also the force which sustains
life. Surprisingly, love is missing from our lives; so how can we feel
complete. No life or living being can exist without the power of love. Mahatma
Gandhi had acknowledged the essence of love when he said, “Where there is
love, there is life.” Love is the natural state of our being. And when this
basic ingredient is missing from our lives, life becomes more of a purpose
which we have to live, rather than celebrate.
We find that
despite our deepest desire to find our soul mate/ twin soul/twin flame and all
such beliefs and convictions created by our minds; such kind of love eludes us.
So what has gone wrong???
Let’s sit back
and understand the entire process once again of what has happened to all of us.
We meet a person, we start interacting with that person and if the interactions
are interesting and joyful, we look forward to seeing this person again and
again. The relationship then moves on to the next level to deeper depths,
depending upon the intensity of the joyful interactions.
But what makes
our interactions interesting? It is our common beliefs, similar interests,
understanding, mutual appreciation and acceptance which lead to a joyful
experience. However, if we look beyond the surface, we would find that it is
all about egos of our physical, mental and emotional beings which crave for
acceptance by the other person, that provide us the great joy and happiness.
But do we call this as love?
Many people
approach me in desperation and ask me “Kapil, When will I meet my soul mate?”
“Is there any truth in the twin flame / twin soul concepts?” In my view, these people are actually waiting
for their soul mates and twin flames to come to them and provide them
everything all that they want and not because they want to give something to the
other person. Therefore, it is seen that we love like beggars and businessmen
because we are waiting to get something or do a barter system with our
partners. Some may call it as mutual
care, but I see it as conditions.
When you are in
love with somebody you say you have fallen in love but you should always rise
in love, and not fall in love. When the love becomes conditional, you fall however
when it is unconditional, you rise.
The differences
in a relationship start arising when either of the individual stop receiving
complete acceptance from his / her partner or when they want their partners to
change according to the way he/she thinks is right. What they fail to recognize
is that every living being is unique and hence differences between two people
are bound to exist. We go wrong at the first step as we begin a relationship on
the basis of our similarities with the other person such as the way we think,
the way we see or do things and the way we accept or react to things. However,
as we go deeper into a relationship, we come to know about the other person,
the differences start emerging, cracks appear and the sweetness of the
relationship begins to erase.
It is surprising
that we all talk about ideal love; we search and look forward for it, but when
the time comes to give the same love, we never deliver or simply we do not have
it. So why it so difficult for us to understand
one simple thing that if we cannot render that pure love to someone or
if it does not exists within us, then how can it be present in someone else or
how can we expect someone to grant us the same love.
My dear friends,
the one thing which comes out clearly is that the love which we understand is
only about our acceptance, fulfilling our egos and insecurities. If this is the
kind of love you are looking for, then in my little knowledge, I would say, you
will never get it, in any of your life times. Even if you think that you can
receive this kind of love, the element of love is not visible to me in this
scenario. It will be a selfish love from the person with hidden motives to be
fulfilled from you and it will last till motives lasts.
WHY CAN’T YOU
ACCEPT YOUR SELF? Why do you need others to tell you that you are loveable? Why
can’t you love and respect your own self? However, once you accept yourself
without judging your realities as a physical, emotional and spiritual being,
then you don’t need anyone to approve you. Don’t forget that you are the child
of God. The more understanding you develop about yourself, the feelings of
incompleteness, fears and insecurities will slowly get removed. The negative,
false shells which we have created about ourselves will break and the pure
divine love will then descend upon you. The meaning of love will be completely
changed for you. Now it will not be about your acceptance and wanting things from
others but about giving others.
Once you rise in
love, it means when you love someone unconditionally, the flowers of love will bloom
in your heart forever because this will be the true love, which will never lose
its fragrance and will shine even in the
darkest nights like stars. Nobody can hurt you, nobody can make you feel inferior
because you know your true being and all you have is pure love. Now they will
need you, they will be all around you. The fountains of love will flow from your
heart for everyone. You and your life
(love) will completely immerse in the fragrance of divine
love. Now love will be a celebration in the manner the poet Rumi puts it ……
“And
still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth,
“You
owe me.”
Look
what happens with love like that.
It
lights up the sky.”
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